Thursday, February 24, 2011

:Things To Hide Behind:

Several of my girlfriends invited me to a Bible study they started a couple weeks ago. I went for the first time on Tuesday night unprepared for how greatly one night would change my outlook.

 The book they are all reading is called "So Long, Insecurity" by Beth Moore. I don't own the book, but was inspired just from hearing their thoughts relating to what she has written.

We spent the better part of 3 hours talking about our insecurities and how they can affect every aspect of our lives. I guess I never really thought of myself as a really insecure person, but the more we talked, the more I began to see myself for who I really am.

Never noticed how we as women often use talents, job titles, skills, accomplishments, our looks, or even our spirituality to hide what's really going on in our hearts. We long for acceptance, security, praise, and adoration. We replace who God has made us with fake, trivial things to make people who aren't even a integral part of our lives think just a little higher of us. We refuse to let things fall apart; we believe our lives are our masterpieces. We become still life portraits, never having the courage to try something new just because we might fail. 

This is me.

I like to think that my life doesn't revolve around the opinions of those closest to me, but the truth is that sometimes my life revolves around the opinions of people I don't even know. I hide who I am from people because it's dangerous territory to be vulnerable. And honestly, sometimes I even hide who I am from ME.

Who am I if all that I've hidden behind is striped away?

Monday, February 14, 2011

:The Release:

He gives and takes away,
He gives and takes away,
My heart will choose to say,
Lord, blessed be Your name.

I crave control. That's been a part of my personality ever since birth. I watched some old family videos this week, and the fight for control reared its ugly head in many ways, from telling my brothers what to do to arguing with my mom about if Dumbo could really fly. (Now I sound like a horrible child; I promise I had some redeeming qualities.)

Perhaps my need for control also comes from being the oldest of 5 kids. By the age of 12, I would be left home with the younger siblings, fix dinner for them, bathe the ones that needed it, do some laundry and clean the house all before my parents came home. For a few short hours, I ruled that house.

But, God is breaking me of this.

Quite honestly, in every area of my life right now, I have zero control. And the eye opening thing about it is that that has been the case my whole life....your whole life too.

Regardless of the control we think we might have, we are all utterly powerless. I take comfort in that. If nothing I've done has gotten me where I am today, then all the glory to God for the life I'm now living. Which means I have no business telling God which part of my life He can have, and which He can't. He must rule every decision, every relationship, every thought, every action.

I hold onto the things God has given me with an open hand.


Tuesday, February 8, 2011

: Foolish Wisdom :

"Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God. For the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man's strength."
-1 Corinthians 22-25

I think I'm a bit like the Jews and Greeks. I would never come right out and say it, but I think sometimes I'm looking for God to prove Himself. Waiting for a miracle or wisdom spoken into my life that is undeniably God.

But what SHOULD I cling to? Christ crucified; nothing else, nothing less.

He is the "proof" I've been looking for. Every wise decision revolves strictly around Him.

Question is: Am I willing to look foolish in order to truly be wise?


Thursday, February 3, 2011

: My Own Seventh Day :

Today was my own "seventh day". I rested.

If you can call hanging out at the mall all day with my mother resting.

While it might not sound relaxing to some, it was a much needed break from the phone calls, emails, and life changing decisions that seem to follow me every where I go these days.

Never thought I'd need a lesson in this area, but God is definitely teaching me about rest. And even more than rest itself, He is teaching me about peace of mind. Just taking time to sit down and ponder and marvel at the things in life that truly matter. What matters to me right now is first, knowing Christ better and second, enjoying my family. I was able to rest in both of those luxuries today.

So, take my advice; it's from personal experience! Taking the time to sit still can often improve the moments when you need to go do.

Even God said the seventh day was good.

Much love,